To Pursue or Not to Pursue? That's the Question.

Let's stop talking in circles and get right down to it. Guys think girls are confusing and girls think guys are confusing. I would venture to say that both are correct when it comes to relationships. The question is, how do men and women overcome this 'you are so confusing' syndrome and end up getting together? Allow me to break down some of these barriers and tackle one topic at a time over the course of this blog, in an effort to help better understand one another.  Since I cannot talk to you from a married persons perspective, or even a male perspective, I will do so from this 30 Something girls perspective. Buckle up. This is gonna be fun. :)

Recently, I had a friend get married. I adore this friend. She doesn't make decisions lightly and this is no different than what she has done with the person she just married. Her husband PURSUED her like every woman wants to be pursued. And when she wasn't sure where her feelings were at, he was PERSISTENT and patient. Listen guys, this is important. Women want to be pursued and we want you to be persistent but we also need you to be patient. 

PURSUED

At this age, we've all been burned and are nervous for one reason or another. But the simple truth is, women WANT to be pursued. We don't want to be the one pursuing. It makes us feel less like the woman in the relationship. And let's be honest guys, it doesn't make you feel super manly to have the girl chasing after you. Does it? I mean, I get that it's flattering and a nice break to be able to sit back and have the girls do the front work, but ultimately you want to be the man in the relationship. Right? So help us to be the woman in the relationship, take the first step for us. Dating and marriage are work enough, we don't need to add role reversals to the equation when that is ultimately NOT what you want in a relationship. If it is, perfect. Wait for your woman to chase after you. But if that is not what you want, then guys.. ASK GIRLS OUT. I know, it's a crazy thought. But listen, girls want to FEEL like they are pretty. That they caught your eye. That you are interested in getting to know them better in a setting other than a 'hang out'. Girls want to KNOW they are going on a date. I'd say a high percentage of the women I know do not know if they are going on a 'date' with you, or if you've just invited them to 'hang out'. Unbeknownst to you, we go into these situations ready to pay for ourselves because we simply do not know if we are on a date. It is NOT because of the equal rights movement that we open our own doors and pull out our wallets. A lot of times, It is simply because we are completely uncertain of the situation and are feeling a little awkward and don't want to make assumptions. What does that tell you? You need to make your intentions known. It's refreshing when you do. And fellas, it's impressive.

PERSISTENT

Alright, I know this one can be a little bit more difficult for some. I'm not saying to ignore a ladies request to leave her alone. Let's not be a creepy stalker. But what I am saying is that you should definitely NOT jump ship as soon as most of you are doing. Seriously. Think of it from her perspective. You ask her out. She is flattered and interested to get to know you better. You go out. You have a good time. It is now, at this point that she is probably fully aware of you and starting to think 'he'd be fun to get to know better'. That is, if your date is going well. The chances of her thinking about you in 'dating terms' before you actually go out is pretty low. Our thought process is 'why think about it when the chances of us going out are slim to none'. We are trying to spare ourselves the disappointment by having this kind of thought process. Do you blame us? The guy/girl ratio is not in our favor. It never has been and it never will be. Dating is becoming more and more rare while hanging out is becoming more popular. Most women simply do not 'check guys out' in the way that men do. Don't get me wrong, a woman will note an attractive man or a kind man. But that's as far as it goes for us often times. From a mans perspective, you check out a woman. You assess whether or not she is dating material. You keep watching her and checking her out until you deem her date-able or not. If she is date-able, then you ask her out. Guys, you have a jump start on the whole situation. You've had longer to decide if you are attracted or not. Getting to know her and still wanting to date her is a bonus. Whereas we jumped on that ship much later than you. So when we are still trying to determine our interest level, you are a couple steps ahead of us and often times read into things way too prematurely. Give us time to catch up! Seriously. Please don't jump ship before we even get our sea legs. Give us time. Be persistent. Be patient.

That being said. Reality Check. Guys, just because you've asked a girl on a date does not automatically lop you into wanting to marry her. So don't avoid asking a girl out just because you don't know if you 'like her THAT much'. Hello, if you see a girl that you would like to get to know better, that is when a date should be secured. Feel out the situation. That's ok. Girls will give you the hints if they think you are interested in getting to know them. Another Reality Check. Girls are not thinking of marriage on the first date. We are not thinking of marriage after several dates. All we are thinking about is getting to know you. So if you take her out, do things to help you get to know one another. If you had fun getting to know one another, a second date should be a no brainer. My advice to you: Have fun getting to know people in dating situations. Dating. As in one on one. Dating shouldn't be so stressful or serious. Relax. All you are doing is getting to know a person of the opposite gender. Good luck and be good to one another!