God's Angel

Dear Me,

You have had a rough go the past several months. As you are well aware. I would even venture to say you have been going through your own personal hell of sorts. You have always known one thing to be true. It has become your foundation. So when things become hard, that foundation has kept your feet steady. Even while all else seems to rock, you at least had your feet in a steady place. A place that provided comfort while all else felt unsure and sometimes scary. Well the past several months the foundation failed for the first time. The foundation crumbled in a sense.

I would be lying if I did not admit that I was upset about it. I felt so many strong emotions. I was so angry. Ok, well angry for me since I don't get angry very easily. But still, an emotion that always surprises me. I felt so betrayed, beaten down, unloved, overwhelmed, and so many many more things. I can honestly say that I do not think it is healthy for a person to feel such negative emotions all at once. But alas, I was feeling them all and all at the time. I had no desire to be near friends because I couldn't even 'pretend' to be happy. Finally I realized what emotion outweighed them all. I had completely been striped of all hope. Nothing anyone said or did touched my heart. I did not believe anything applied to me anymore. I was exempt from happiness. It was horrible.

To top my torment, I realized I allowed it. I realized I had part in the deterioration of sorts. But life as I had once known it was no more. And trials came as they always do. And without a strong foundation to help absorb the trials, just ended up rocking my very fragile being all the more.

Here's what I learned:

1) Though I was at my lowest, I could not deny the truthfulness of the Gospel. Repeatedly I found myself in conversations with people I knew who tried to get me to talk badly about the church or to discount one or more of the teachings. I found myself in heated arguments with those friends. Though I was struggling, I KNEW the gospel was true and I could not let friends take advantage of my current situation. I have never and could never doubt the Truthfulness of the Gospel. Though at the time, I found it very ironic that me, of all people, would be the one to be defending these things. I knew I could not allow such talk to occur. I knew that though we all struggle (and though some struggle harder at moments then others), we all knew better than allowing such talk. And though I still struggled on, in the back of my mind..that stand meant something huge.

2) Though I had given up on myself and though I felt like I was given up on, I was not. God sent me Angels in friends. I had a few friends who were always there for me. But one in particular I feel like he sent me. She is a new friend to me and she challenged me to try something with goals. This is all very vague. But for now, all I can say is that it has given me my Hope back. I'm not 100% Tandy yet, but I'm on the road. And to me, that has made all the difference.

Gratefully Yours,

Tandy

Journaling 101

I'm not a journal writer. I never have been. But for some reason, I like blogging. I like reading my friends blogs and I feel a general connection to all of you sweet friends who decide to share your thoughts. I feel privileged to take part in your lives, so thank you. Having said that, I don't blog for anyone but myself. I realize that I generally blog as if I have 'blogging followers' but in reality, I know that going private was pretty much the death of my viewership. Haha. Friends no longer get updates on when I post. Which is sad cause sometimes I actually do feel like I have something important to share that may benefit others. But I am okay with that. The integrity of my blog was at stake. And I simply did not want to have to filter pictures of my nieces, nephews, and/or filter my thoughts on life regarding the above. As they are a huge part of my life. So here I sit, blogging my thoughts uncensored and feeling pretty dang good about it. Because I don't care how you look at it, I AM journaling. And it feels good.

Analysis says.. My Extraversion is..

Part 5..

Some days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us crave the crowd and can't stand it when the house is empty or the phone doesn't ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others, if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.


When it comes to Extraversion you are: SOMETIMES OUTGOING, SOMETIMES RESERVED


Words that describe you:

Moderate
Amiable
Laid-back
Temperate
Relaxed
Poised
Civil
Uncommitted
Pleasant


A General Description of How You Interact with Others


Lucky you! You enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy the company of others. You are a great conversationalist and thrive in the wonderful kinds of connections you know how to have with your family and friends. You also equally enjoy your own company, whether sitting in a favorite chair with your book and soft music playing or meandering in the woods by yourself. You like coming home to your family or your roommate; but if no one is home, you find quiet, solitary time to be just as pleasurable. What a great combination to enjoy being outgoing and to be just as comfortable being reserved. Lucky you!!

Because you are so amiable and relaxed, you are comfortable with almost any group of family or friends. Whether they are pumped up and lively or calm and subdued, you remain at ease. If someone needs to take over the conversation, you are comfortable taking the lead; you can also lay back and let someone else be in charge. If the conversation gets rowdy, your moderate demeanor will often draw it down to a more temperate level. If someone in the group loses their cool, you will most likely maintain your poise, and if they get nasty you know how to keep a civil tongue.

You may find yourself out of balance on occasion. If you're alone too much, you may need to get in touch with someone. If you spend too much time with your family and friends, you may need to sneak off for a day by yourself, to putter and read and clear your head of the noise of too much conversation. When you're at your best, you live with a rhythm of time with others, time alone, time with others, time alone It's a satisfying, comfortable balance. Lucky you!



Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You


You may occasionally run into problems with other people. Since not everyone is as balanced as you are, close friends and family may get frustrated with you, or you with them. They may be more sociable and outgoing, and find you too laid-back and relaxed. They want conversations to be lively and passionate while you keep things amiable and civil. Or others may be more quiet and reserved than you, and when you're in one of your more animated moments they may wish you would back off. You may be ready to put more energy into a conversation than they are comfortable with.

And your balance may be a problem. Other people may be consistently more sociable or more reserved than you, and find you to hard to read, some may even say you ride the fence. Others may find themselves envious of your ability to be outgoing at times, and at other times comfortably reserved. If you pay attention to pick up these cues you will be in a better position to know how you want to interact with such folks.



Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You


Most people will truly appreciate your flexibility in social situations. They will like you for your amiable warmth and your willingness to engage, and for your ability to sit back and let others take the lead or the spotlight. They will appreciate ways in which you temper what could become intemperate moments; by remaining poised and relaxed when others; temperatures are rising, you keep things civil and sane.

You are as good at listening and following as you are at talking and leading, and people will often appreciate your ability to adapt to the situation. Because you are sometimes outgoing and sometimes reserved, you will make most people comfortable in your presence, and they will truly enjoy your company.

Analysis says.. My Conscientiousness is..

Part 4..

It's a work day, breakfast is over, and you're dressed and ready. So how will you approach the tasks at hand?


Your approach toward your obligations is: FOCUSED AND FLEXIBLE


Words that describe you:

Casual
Informal
Compliant
Reliable
Organized
Solid
Dependable
Uncommitted
Genuine


A General Description of How You Interact with Others


When you take on a task at work or at home, you are reliable; you get the job done. In an organized way, you define the goal, lay out a plan, figure how long the task will take, and get to work "solid and dependable you".

But and this is important you're not a slave to the plan. You're committed to it, but not chained to it; the connection is more casual and informal. You know that sometimes "the best laid plans" fall off the tracks; when this happens, you clean up the train wreck and start over, undeterred.

Though not happening often, when plans change, you're okay with it. In fact, sometimes you change the plan. It's too nice of a Saturday to finish organizing the garage. Let's go for a bike ride instead. True, the next rainy Saturday will likely find you back in the garage, but for now the work can wait.

What an interesting combination of qualities in you're organized, but casual; solid, but compliant; and dependable, but informal. At home and at work, people know they can rely on you. You take great satisfaction in knowing that people think of you as disciplined and responsible, but you also know that you have something of a free spirit in you, and when this spirit moves you, off you go, following the impulse of the moment. You are rightly proud of your work ethic, but you also enjoy your willingness to lay the tools down, crank up the music and play like a child.


Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You



Some people live like Marines: duty-bound, disciplined and driven. To these people you might seem uncommitted; where they would never leave work for play or change plans in the middle of their life's forced march, you let the circumstance sway you and move in a different direction, and they don't understand.

Others live like kites on a string, attached by thin threads to the solid ground of responsibility and are blown about by every gust of impulse or imagination. To these people you might seem too cowardly, like you'll flirt with your impulses but never give in fully, play on a Saturday but never blow of the entire work-week to "follow your bliss".

While these Marines and kite-flyers might look down on you for your combination of focus and flexibility, others might be envious. They can't free themselves from a sense that they're not doing enough, or from the equally frustrating feeling that they're not free enough.

And here you are with your accomplishments and your pleasures, getting the job done but also getting your hair blown back as you run with the wind. As far as these people are concerned, you're lucky you've got the best of both of the worlds in which they feel they fail.



Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You


What a great life you have, and a great attitude to boot. You know when to buckle down and push ahead to get the job done, and you do it well. You know when to lay the tools of your trade aside, grab your kite and head for the meadow where you can run with the wind. Many people will see and admire in you this lovely combination of a person who can focus, but who is flexible enough to know when to let the spirit move you in some new and livelier direction.

It's a life they aspire to, and they delight in seeing it played out in your life. They may ask your advice and turn you into a mentor of the full and balanced experience. They will want to know how you do it, what the costs are, and if you get frightened that you're not working hard enough or playing often enough. They may make you think about your own life more than you have, so you can share it with those who want to emulate this balance between flexibility and focus. They may be correct lucky you!

Analysis says.. My Emotional Stability is..

Part III..

We're born with the capacity to feel deeply, so it's as natural as breathing to experience a range of emotions. Fear and joy and sadness, anger and shame and disgust lie somewhere within each of us. Ah, but to what extent do we control these emotions, and to what extent do they control us?


On Emotional Stability you are:


SOMETIMES STEADY, SOMETIMES RESPONSIVE



Words that describe you:

Adaptable
Engaged
Able to Cope
Passionate
Perceptive
Flexible
Receptive
Aware
Avid


A General Description of Your Reactivity



In some ways, you've got the best of emotional worlds. When emotions rise up from inside you or are brought forth from a conversation by a friend, you know how to engage them. You deal with sadness, fear, joy, anger - whatever comes up - in ways that are perceptive and flexible. You can adapt to whatever level of emotion is appropriate to the moment. At other times, you are able to cope with your emotions in a more reserved manner. Because you are aware of what does and does not make emotional sense in a particular situation, you will decide when it is an appropriate time to express your emotions and when it would be best to keep them to yourself.

All of this gives you a rich emotional life. You are free to express your passions about certain subjects with appropriate people. But you are also emotionally adaptable; if the conversation needs to be more cerebral, you'll keep it "in your head" and talk calmly through whatever issue is on the table. This emotional awareness serves you well. You seldom get in over your head, either by opening up to the wrong person or by triggering in someone else's emotions they may not be able to deal with.



Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You


When it comes to dealing with emotions we all meet some people with whom we don't match well. You bring a balanced approach to your emotional life. As such, those who are at the extremes are most likely to have a negative reaction to you. Those who live in their emotions may feel you tend to "live in your head" while those who go through life as an emotional rock may feel that you are a bit too "touchy feely" for their approach.

And of course it is always possible that because you do balance your emotional approach to life you may misread others - we all do at times. So there have undoubtedly been those times when you have misread cues and stayed in your head with someone who hoped for a more open emotional approach or you may have opened up emotionally with someone who keeps their emotions bottled up. But these things happen and since you do have a good balance of being in touch with your emotions and not being overly impacted by emotional swings, you undoubtedly are able to adapt.

Another potential problem is that as people get to know you well, they will discover that you have a great balance between emotional expression and emotional control. If they don't have this balance they may wind up envying you. They can't express feelings as well as you, or they are too often out of emotional control and resent you for your ability to cope so well with the very emotions that may trip them up.


Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You


Many people will be grateful to find a friend like you who can stay in control when emotions verge on chaos, but who can also go into the tangle of emotions when it is safe and appropriate to do so. Because of your ability to engage them at whatever level they are comfortable, to adapt to whatever changes in emotion emerge in the conversation, and to cope so well with all of it - well, they'll be very glad they found a person like you. You may, in fact, wind up as something of an emotional mentor. Your awareness of the emotional temperature of a situation, your ability to adapt to either heat or cold, and your ability to cope with whatever winds up happening in the conversation could be models for them to follow as they come to terms with their own emotional worlds.

Analysis says.. My Openness is..

Part II of that test I took says..


On the Openness Dimension you are:

SOMETIMES CURIOUS, SOMETIMES CONTENT


Words that describe you:

Accepting
Flexible
Educated
Self-aware
Middle-of-the-road
Proper
Distinctive
Indecisive
Adaptable



A General Description of How You Approach New Information and Experiences


Like someone who can sleep comfortably on either side of the bed, you are equally at home with ideas and beliefs that you have held for a long time and with new ways of thinking and believing that grow out of your intellectual curiosity.

Your sense of who you are and what your place is in the world around you rests on values and principles that are the solid ground you walk upon. You've tested them, they work for you, and much of the time you are content to trust them, that is, until some provocative new idea slips in from a conversation, book or some flight of your active imagination. "Hmmmm. What's this. Never thought of it before." And off you go, exploring.

Since you love to learn, you've always been teachable; you absorb new information, which means you are well-educated in things that matter to you. Sometimes your intellectual exploring will lead you back to where you started; the "next new thing" proves too shallow or impractical to you. But once in a while a new idea or belief will dislodge you from the ground you've stood upon; it is so compelling and persuasive that you step away from the tried-and-true and embrace this notion that is brand new to you.

Because you hold both solid beliefs and are open to new ideas, you are accepting of other people and other ways of thinking and believing. You are flexible enough to listen to something new and different, or something outside of your comfort zone; if it works for you, you'll take it in, and if not, you'll let it go. In this sense, you know who you are: you are neither closed-minded nor wildly open-minded, but walk somewhere near the middle of the intellectual road.



Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward Your Style of Thinking


Not everyone will be thrilled by your flexible, middle-of-the-road ways of thinking and believing. A few people are so taken with flights of imagination into whatever is new that they might find your commitment to long-standing values and beliefs too confining, if not too boring. Oh well; so be it. They'll just have to be in free-flight without you.

Others are content with the ideas that have served them and their culture well; they're not excited by the prospect of moving on. And some people are afraid of new ways of thinking because they are somewhat fragile; they have trouble maintaining their current worlds and don't want someone like you, for instance pushing out the edges of their intellectual cosmos. So don't be surprised if your solid values sometimes make people distrust you as an explorer, or if your flexible and open mind sometimes gets you criticized by people who walk away from the very same explorations that you find refreshing.



Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You


Many others will find you trustworthy and therefore an attractive companion on the intellectual journey. They will appreciate the combination in you of open-mindedness and a commitment to the tried-and-true. In an intellectual climate sometimes dominated by the extremes of either wild innovation or dug-in traditionalism, your moderate views and your proper acceptance of a wide range of possibilities will be a distinctive and refreshing quality. Because you join your curiosity to strong foundational ideas and beliefs and practical solutions to problems, people will trust your occasional explorations into new territories to be reliable, and not "something new for newness sake".

You are accepting of others, flexible in your own intellectual commitments, well-informed in areas that matter to you, and comfortably aware of who you are and where you stand. This combination will make you a desirable companion on the intellectual journey for many, many people.

Turning that Frown Upside Down

"Why do you have warts right there?" Now don't get me wrong, I KNOW I don't have 'warts' on my hand. But I simply could not figure out what my nephew could be referring to? And rubbing on my hand so tenderly. Then the light clicked. WORDS! "Why do you have WORDS right there?" I had written a reminder on my hand earlier and he could not understand why I had written on myself on purpose! :) I mean, he understood scribbles cause that is art, but words? Come on! :) LOVE the way he says his words. Sad that he's gonna be growing outta that one day. But um, I'm sure he'll be appreciative since it's not so cute as an adult.

"TT, can you not put frosting on my nose again? I don't like when people laugh at me." haha. Good thing I smoothed it over by explaining that they were laughing at ME, not him.. for being so silly and PUTTING that frosting on his nose. Hey, I couldn't help it! After his brother licked the knife, I figured it was time to stop frosting the cookies for a minute and share the love a little. Apparently one of the three didn't like the sharing. Whoops. :)

Me- "I need a kiss!" 4-yr old nephew- "I'm not your boyfriend!" hahaha. Well, there ya go! Contrary to that little dialogue, he absolutely does love me and kisses, cuddles, and snuggles me all the time. I think this is his way of choosing when he gets to do it. Which I TOTALLY support by the way. I will NEVER make a child give someone loves if they do not want to. I will suggest it, but if they don't want to..then they don't have to. It's that simple.

2-yr old niece "TT, lipstick" after she stares at my lips for a little bit. P.S. she wasn't telling me, she was asking me. So of course I whip out my chap-stick that smells like strawberries and I apply it. She then models it for me. Boy oh boy we are going to be in TROUBLE! :)