God's Angel

Dear Me,

You have had a rough go the past several months. As you are well aware. I would even venture to say you have been going through your own personal hell of sorts. You have always known one thing to be true. It has become your foundation. So when things become hard, that foundation has kept your feet steady. Even while all else seems to rock, you at least had your feet in a steady place. A place that provided comfort while all else felt unsure and sometimes scary. Well the past several months the foundation failed for the first time. The foundation crumbled in a sense.

I would be lying if I did not admit that I was upset about it. I felt so many strong emotions. I was so angry. Ok, well angry for me since I don't get angry very easily. But still, an emotion that always surprises me. I felt so betrayed, beaten down, unloved, overwhelmed, and so many many more things. I can honestly say that I do not think it is healthy for a person to feel such negative emotions all at once. But alas, I was feeling them all and all at the time. I had no desire to be near friends because I couldn't even 'pretend' to be happy. Finally I realized what emotion outweighed them all. I had completely been striped of all hope. Nothing anyone said or did touched my heart. I did not believe anything applied to me anymore. I was exempt from happiness. It was horrible.

To top my torment, I realized I allowed it. I realized I had part in the deterioration of sorts. But life as I had once known it was no more. And trials came as they always do. And without a strong foundation to help absorb the trials, just ended up rocking my very fragile being all the more.

Here's what I learned:

1) Though I was at my lowest, I could not deny the truthfulness of the Gospel. Repeatedly I found myself in conversations with people I knew who tried to get me to talk badly about the church or to discount one or more of the teachings. I found myself in heated arguments with those friends. Though I was struggling, I KNEW the gospel was true and I could not let friends take advantage of my current situation. I have never and could never doubt the Truthfulness of the Gospel. Though at the time, I found it very ironic that me, of all people, would be the one to be defending these things. I knew I could not allow such talk to occur. I knew that though we all struggle (and though some struggle harder at moments then others), we all knew better than allowing such talk. And though I still struggled on, in the back of my mind..that stand meant something huge.

2) Though I had given up on myself and though I felt like I was given up on, I was not. God sent me Angels in friends. I had a few friends who were always there for me. But one in particular I feel like he sent me. She is a new friend to me and she challenged me to try something with goals. This is all very vague. But for now, all I can say is that it has given me my Hope back. I'm not 100% Tandy yet, but I'm on the road. And to me, that has made all the difference.

Gratefully Yours,

Tandy