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Honestly, this whole election has been very aggravating to me. I hate politics. There, I said it! It's true. It's like everyone is so set on bringing out each other's 'garbage' that I don't understand how anyone can view politics in a positive light. How am I supposed to feel good about voting for a person who tries to smear another person while in the same breath is boasting about their own good qualities? It is completely insane to me. At this point, I feel it is a simple choice of choosing between the lessor of the two evils so to speak. Quite honestly it makes me want to throw up.
What REALLY gets me though, is all this talk of pulling out of the war. I'm not saying it's right or wrong. I hate war as much as the next person. But what I am saying is that it is a complete slap in the face to those beautiful soldiers who have sacrificed their time, energy, and in some cases.. lives in this war if we pull out of it cold turkey. We dishonor our soldiers by talking about the war as if it has been a complete failure. If you were to talk to a soldier who is currently serving, you would know that they believe it to be a success. They believe it to be worthy of their service. My brother is currently in Afghanistan. He left a beautiful wife behind so he could serve his country for a cause that he believes in. He left his family so he could fight for a freedom that soldiers continue to fight for and that we as every day Americans seem to forget that we continue to have to fight for. Yes, we live in the Land of the Free but that does not mean we do not have to protect that freedom. That does not mean we do not have to continue to fight for that right. I am so thankful to those soldiers who sacrifice continually even when the media leads others to believe what they are doing is for not. I am thankful for those soldiers who sacrifice for our freedom even when it would appear that gratitude is lacking amongst the people who owe them their freedom.
Ok, so I'm going to confess something. I struggle with exercise. There...it's out! I seriously hope that my honesty only endears you to me rather than makes your love for me diminish. lol. Anyway, I really WANT to like exercising, but really the love just isn't there. Regardless, I got a gym membership and everything so that I would push myself in the right direction of this goal of mine... Ya know to exercise and like it. I'm determined to be better. I even bought a bike so that I could do more things at home too. I really think I should get an A for effort here. Well, on my list of things I wanted to try I wanted to try kick boxing. Well if you know me, you know I have the coordination of a string bean. So why, kick boxing? Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe cause it sounds tough? Maybe cause my sister-in-law did it and started to get a freakin awesome toned body before she went and got prego? I'm not really sure but it very well could be a mixture of both those things. Whatever, the point is that I wanted to try kick boxing...so kick boxing is what I tried. Dear me! It's hard (with a good teacher) but I can't even begin to tell you how much I LOVE it!!! I'm totally being serious right now! I really enjoy kick boxing. Every time I go, I come out feeling totally wiped out and totally like I had the best exercise for me. It pushes me in endurance and muscle strength. I even am sore afterwards. And get this...I'm starting to see a little muscle. HA. Who woulda thought muscle could build on these skinny little arms and legs of mine? It's very possible that this could become an addiction for me. I'm just sayin, I likey... :) Even though my schedule is insane, I'm so trying to try to keep a regular kick boxing schedule from now on! Yay!!! Hopefully it works out.
I welcome change, really! It's just that sometimes I have a hard time being decisive. If I have a strong opinion about something, you better believe I'm going to voice it, but when I really don't care one way or another, it's hard for me to decide. Why is that? How can I not have a problem voicing my opinion when I know what I want, but have a REALLY hard time making a decision when it's not going to be the end of the world. This is very baffling to me. If you have any conclusions, let me know. But I digress. I found THE PERFECT HAIRDRESSER FOR ME!!! Seriously! Not only is she very good at what she does, but she MAKES me choose. Yikes! I usually give my hairdresser some idea of what I want and then ask her what her opinion is or what her suggestion would be because of my little problem of making decisions. Well this hairdresser of mine listens to my ideas and then throws back several options for me, so ultimately I have to decide. Double yikes! She's perfect for me! Not only is she helping me attain Total Hot Hairstyle Status (lol) but she is helping me embrace decision making without even knowing it. Perfect!
So I got my hair done yesterday. I had a few ideas but ultimately I wanted a change. Now brace yourselves, I've been very adventurous with my hair in past years. I pretty much will try a lot of different colors. I've had red, black, brown, and of course my natural blond hair colors and various shades therein. I've had hair as short as 1 1/2 inches long to mid back length. I'd say I've been very adventurous with my hair in past years. Well, I just wanted a change and I wasn't sure what. Black again??? No, I'm not that girl anymore. Dark brown??? No, although I loved being a dark brunette, I wasn't feeling the love for it. I've kept up my blond locks for so many years that I needed a change from it. Hmm, then there it was.. Pecan!!! Just the change I needed. Brown, gold, and blond. F.U.N!!! So, pecan it is!
Has anyone ever asked you if you feel that you have ever made a difference? This is a topic that is on my mind often. In times of reflection, I often look at where I am at right then. Am I in a place where I am making a difference to those I come in contact with? If my answer is yes, I believe so. Then I am where I want to be. If my answer is no, then I have some work to do. I believe we are all here to make a difference in each others lives. Whether our part is big or small, we can make a difference.One of the most amazing experiences of making a difference is when I did my Practicum for college. I had the privilege (unfortunate that it's necessary) of working with abused and neglected children in a school-like setting. I worked with 4 year olds for half day and then I worked with 5 year olds for the other half of the day. In some of the situations I had siblings in both classes. In a lot of my interactions with these kids I did a lot of play therapy and tried to get through to them using this technique. In reading their reports and background, it would appear that not many 'teachers' had gotten through to several of these children, understandably. It broke my heart. As time went on, my efforts did not go unrewarded with several of these kids. Several of the 'untouchables'. As time went on and a trust grew, they responded to play therapy with me. I was able to help break down some of those walls they so carefully built. I learned several very valuable lessons. Heavenly Father loves ALL of His children. Even though terrible things may happen, He puts others in place to help start the healing. I learned that even though one person who has tried and tried to help, doesn't mean that the next person will not succeed. We must continue to try. If you do not see a change, it does not mean you did not make a difference. It may just mean you are preparing the way. Though my Practicum ended well before 'my kids' were done with therapy, I am hopeful that our breakthrough was just the start of a healing process for these sweet little ones who deserve more than what they had been given thus far.
In a nutshell, don't give up in your efforts for making a difference. We all make a difference. Just choose to make a good one and it will have lasting effects. One's that we sometimes can't even see yet.
My 4 yr old (just had a b-day) nephew was diagnosed this year as PDDNOS which is Pervasive Development Disorder-Not otherwise specified. What a diagnosis, eh?! I love the part about 'not otherwise specified'. The catch all phrase for we have no idea. Basically this diagnosis is the diagnosis given to a lot of children who have autism but are too young to be clearly diagnosed as autistic because some symptoms have not yet manifested themselves. Interesting fact is that everything you can find in how to help your child is paralleled to how to help an autistic child. One exception, your insurance will not pay for a lot of it because your child has not been specifically diagnosed as autistic. Bonus!!! Gotta love the health care system. As our family has been trying to find ways to pull Braxton out and communicate with him, it has been an interesting journey. I applaud his parents and mother especially. I have seen a huge change in Braxie in the last year. Instead of the constantly frustrated little boy I once saw, I see a really loving little boy who tries so desperately to communicate and to be understood. His special school has helped SO much! Sure he definitely has his 'moments' or even 'days', but he is sooo much better. Perhaps it's simply that we understand better. I'm not sure. But things are better in so many ways.What has been my part in all of this? Truly, I'm not sure. As most of you know, I have a huge love for children. It frustrated me that I couldn't communicate with my little Braxie. Then one day it hit me. Hello! I can communicate that TT (my nickname for the little ones) loves him! Love is something everyone can feel no matter what! So from that day forward, I've tried to make it a point to show Braxie my love. One day months later, I walked into Braxie's house and he exclaimed my name clearly "TT!" I was shocked and so was his mom since he doesn't talk much and when he does, it is not clear. He knew me, he knew my name, and he was VERY happy to see me. Tender mercies. This might not mean a lot to the next person, but it certainly meant a lot to me. A time later I was visiting and he was doing his own thing like he often does, then all of the sudden he came up to me and climbed into my lap and cuddled with me. Not only did he cuddle with me, but he cuddled with me for quite a period of time. As mentioned from my brother, he doesn't do that! Usually you get a very quick hug or cuddle that lasts for seconds or a minute, that is all. Again, tender mercies. Though we have our ups and downs with Sweet Braxton, he knows he is loved. He is a blessing from Heavenly Father and I am so grateful to have him in my life to teach me simple messages of how to love, Braxton Style. On a slightly different note, it has definitely changed my perspective on screaming children in public places. Boy you just never know a persons circumstances. When my nephew is out of control in public places, it is amazing to see the looks people give. Looks that say "get a hold of your child" or "slap him til he's quiet" or things of that nature. It's amazing to me to think that if we were to just say something like "he's autistic" or something of the sort, automatically people are understanding or would be understanding. Why do we readily judge one another? I for one, find myself wishing the parents good luck, rather than thinking they aren't doing a good job when I pass a screaming child and a parent who is struggling with them. You just never know a persons circumstances.
I would say that surprising to some, I am a very fearful person. I fear of disappointing others. I fear of disappointing myself. I fear of so many silly things. Well, I've decided that I am TIRED of being afraid. This year I have made my New Years goal to 'Make this year a year of Firsts'. Ultimately I'd love to accomplish trying 100 firsts that I've really wanted to try but either never had the opportunity, never had the guts, or had some other reason to talk myself out of it. In this quest I have come to realize that I can do anything I put my mind to. Though I still get really nervous depending on the experience, and though sometimes I REALLY need to work my way up to accomplishing the end result, I know I can do it! :) And that is quite a feat for me to say!!! My journey will not end at the end of this year. I will continue to try new things. I will no longer shy away from things because I've not tried them before. In my journey the greatest thing has been to see that those I've come in contact with have also taken on this view. So many people I've come in contact with are now trying new things. They've even come out with a movie "The Bucket List" with the same kind of idea. It all comes down to the same concept, don't let life pass you by. Enjoy it and do the things you've always wanted to do. :)
People have been asking me what my list has consisted of...so here ya go!
1. Went to a gymnastics tournament
2. Went to the Rexburg Idaho temple open house (Beautiful)
3. Went to the Blue Man Group Concert (odd)
4. Went Salsa Dancing (apparently I have amazing hips. lol)
5. Went to an Off Broadway Show
6. Snow Shoeing
7. Attended a Ballet
8. Soldier Hollow Sledding (super FUN)
9. Baniff Film Festival
10. Learned how to do Family History
11. Tried Calamari aka squid (not my favorite)
12. Joined a book club
13. A concert in a suite box
14. Rock Climbing
15. Disney Princesses on Ice
16. Running Shoes
17. New York City
18. The subway
19. New York Temple Session
20. Tried Mango Salsa (actually liked it)
21. Festival of Colors
22. Dance dance revolution (totally terrible but had so much fun)
23. Ghost town- Calico
24. Drove IN California and also drove the whole way from Cali to Draper
25. Rock Concert
26. Tibetan food- Cafe Shambala
27. Charity Walk for Autism
28. Banbury Donuts (yummy!!)
29. Liberty Park
30. Fried Pickle (totally grossed me out)
31. Ruth's Diner in Emigration Canyon
32. Fish 'n' Chips
33. Spin/Cycling Class
34. Joined my first real Gym
35. Living Traditions Festival (FUN)
36. Hummus (totally gross)
37. Bratwurst (I actually liked it, surprisingly)
38. Salt Lake Library (Beautiful)
39. Sweet Tomatoes Restaurant (I don't do buffets but this was good)
40. Capitol Reef National Park
41. Grand Staircase- Escalante National Monument
42. Goblin Valley
43. Hiked Grandeur Peak in Millcreek Canyon
44. Porcupine Pub
45. Jarlsberg cheese
46. Yoga (I'm terrible)
47. Manti Temple Session
48. Kick Boxing (LOVE it)
49. Snapea Crisps
50. Ensign Peak
51. Eyebrows Waxed (actually didn't hurt)
52. Gelatto
53. Frozen Chocolate dipped banana (yuck, still hate banana's even with chocolate)
54. BJ's Restaurant
55. Newport Beach Temple Initiatory
56. Watched fireworks from the beach for the 4th of July
57. Tofu (not bad)
58. Full 24 hr fast
59. Timpanogos Hike
60. Sliding down Timp Glacier
61. Riding in a rebuilt vehicle
62. Off roading (a lot of fun especially going fast)
63. Played Rock Band
64. Jackson Hole
65. Whitewater Rafting (total fan!!)
66. Set off my own fireworks :)
67. Star gazing on the top of a car roof
68. New Book Release
69. Floating the Provo River
70. Demolition Derby
71. Made Cinnamon Rolls from scratch
72. Started a Blog (still not sure how I feel about it)
73. Elk
74. Zucchini Bread (mmm mmm good and super easy!)
75. Meatloaf (totally did it! Nasty to touch while preparing but I did it!! :)
76. Drove cross state through Wyoming (surprisingly longer than you'd think)
77. Vacationed to South Dakota (Beautiful)
78. Mt. Rushmore
79. Custer's State Park (cool wildlife and tons of huge Buffalo)
80. Swept off my feet (literally and it was like I weighed nothing, hm)
81. Red Boxed a Movie (seriously, I had never used Red Box before)
82. Stayed @ a Hotel on the Strip in Vegas (soooo much fun!!!)
83. Collective Soul Concert
84. Tried O'Douls Alcohol Free drink (sooo gross!!!)
85. Camp IN Zions (can't believe I've never camped there before. BEAUTIFUL)
86. Chris Cagle Concert (not into much country but it was entertaining)
87. Started a camp fire (in a pit of course but yay for me!)
88. Shooting (guns scare me but totally did it!!)
89. I sparked (did you know you can spark w/ wintermints? entertaining)
90. Cascade Springs (no not a detergent, yes a beautiful place in the mountains)
91. Pot Roast (not too shabby)
92. Go Kart Racing (sooo much fun!)
93. Moab- Arches National Park- Delicate Arch (amazingly beautiful)
94. Went to a Jazz Game in a Suite Box
95. Went to a Grizzles Hockey Game
96. Ate Korean Food
97. Played Football
98. Nielsen's Frozen Custard (holy crap that's FANTASTIC)
99. Milo drink (it was alright with sugar but not my favorite)
100. Piano lesson (I've been wanting to learn how to play the piano forever)
I've been thinking a lot about the past year, which has not been an easy year. It has been a year full of very difficult challenges for myself and for those I love. But as I have thought about this time, part of one of my favorite quotes came to my mind "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." The more I thought on this past year the more I realized we are not perfect. We came here imperfect. We came here to learn. We came here to struggle, to stubble, to learn from being imperfect. We are being molded by our Heavenly Father and this is how we are being shaped. If we were perfect, there would be no need for trials, for the stumbling around and molding. There would be no need for the dancing in the rain. And I don't know about you, but I choose to dance in the rain.
