Glimpses

As a little girl, I always felt like I was on the wrong side of the glass. My sister was on one side with all the flashing lights and balloons and fun things, and I was on the other side with the left overs. As I got older, I realized that what I saw was nothing but false glamor. It wasn't all that it seemed. But the one thing that I was correct with, was that I was on one side of the glass, and my sister has always been on the other. Every now and then the glass alters and I'm able to glimpse her as if I'm almost on that same side, but the next thing I know is that darn glass is there again. Preventing us from really seeing one anothers perspectives for very long.

Here's the thing that I realized tonight. I am so grateful for the glimpses. I would much rather have them, than not. Though she and I are most definitely very different in most ways, we are similar in several. I am grateful for those glimpses in time when she and I can come together and have real conversations. One's that are based on truth and sincerity. I am grateful for those glimpses that allow for the glass to move enough that I see my sister. No longer parted by obstacles, but really see her and she see's me. I am grateful for glimpses like tonight.

October Confessional Block

To say that this post is MY idea would be..false. To say that this post 'title' is My idea would be..true. I altered the title a bit. Yay. So that's ok, right? Anyway, my friend was talking about how she has friends who have days of confession. I thought that was hilarious. So I thought I'd give it a whirl.

~ I hate commercials and yet, work for a marketing company.

~ I talk right out loud to other cars as I'm driving. I secretly think the other drivers must know what I'm saying if I voice out my words rather than keeping them bottled up in my head.

~ I used to watch a lot of movies and despised TV (going back to #1, plus I don't like feeling like I have to stay at home in order to watch 'my shows'). Now that I have DVR, I watch a little more TV and just fast forward. Oh, the power of the remote is awesome.

~ I find that when I'm busy, I worry about when I'm going to find time to do the everyday stuff. But when I have a spare moment, I veg out and forget that I need to do the everyday stuff during that time. Dangit!

~ I really dislike cliques. You hurt more than you realize when you are apart of one. I try to change up the groups a little bit. Having repeat friends in a group isn't a bad thing. But including different people continually and making them feel wanted and welcome is key. I'm just saying, if you're excluding...what does that say about you as a person? I try not to be that person.

~ It's amazing to me at how un-truthful people are with one another. I'll give an example with myself. When a person asks how we are doing, auto reply "Good!" When truth may be that we are struggling or whatever. I no longer answer with auto replies or if I do, I correct myself. I will say "ok" or something that feels truthful. I even have a friend who says "that's fine" when it's clearly NOT fine. Her motivation is she doesn't want the confrontation or the other person to feel bad but ultimately this just frustrates her more. So...Truth is best.

~ I read Elizabeth Smart's testimonial today and I started tearing up. I can't imagine a person going through all of that, let alone at age 14. Yes, I realize her experience was over 6 years ago.

Well, thanks for tuning into my first try at My Confessional Block (aka, random thoughts I've been having) ;)

"We are Just Crazy Kids"

Last night I had the pleasure to take 2 of my nephews out for their birthdays. My sister in law had asked that since they have way too many toys, we just give them a dollar for their birthdays (cause lets face it, they'll think they're rich with a dollar so why spend or give more). So of course, I wanted to change things up a little bit. I asked my sweeties if they'd like the money or a dinner date with TT. Don't worry, I did this privately just in case they rejected me. Ha. Anyway, to my delight they couldn't believe that they were getting a chance for date night. Ethan (5) even said "wait, we get to go out with you by ourselves!" Which proceeded with a lot of jumping around. Looks like I need to do this more often and not just for birthdays. Brax will love it.

Anyway, so last night we are driving and the boys quite honestly say the darnedest things. I kept laughing. Ryan out of no where just says "We are just crazy kids" as if he had been pondering it for a time. Ha. Then, we got stuck in a little bit of traffic. Ethan isn't the most patient little one. He was getting frustrated at the car in front of me. So we discussed how getting angry and frustrated at things we cannot change doesn't really help the situation (like traffic). And how if we are patient, eventually things work out. The topic moved on to other things, as they often do with little ones. But out of the blue, Ethan says "I've gotta work on being patient". Haha. I asked him who told him that? Just cause I thought it was funny coming out of his mouth and not an adults. Apparently one of his teachers helpers mentioned to him that he's not patient and it stuck. I then asked the boys if they knew what being patient means. I kind of assumed neither one would. They both shocked me when they chimed in and said "it means to wait". Haha. That's actually a really good way to explain patience to a child.

Of all the places we could have gone to eat, they chose McDonald's. That's how much I love my kidlets. Anyway, we walk in and they run up to the toy display to scream out which toy they want in their Happy Meal. Yes, 'scream' with excitement. It was that excitement that won over the worker who was standing near, checking the menu, and ultimately ensuring that their exact toy choices were followed out. Good to note that they not only repeatedly win my heart over, but the hearts of the McDonald employee's as well. :)

As we ate and played, it was so much fun for me to watch them interact with the other children. "Stranger children" as Ethan referred to them as. Ha. Anyway, they told me that one of their favorite things is getting to know the stranger children. Haha. Boy my one nephew would waltz right up to the older kids and ask them to play. No fear. He's quite the social butterfly. Very much like his mother, definitely NOT like his father (my brother). :)

Love my boys. Oh, we were a rock band in the car. The boys were the guitarists. I was opted to be the lead vocalist and drummer. (Difficult to be while driving safely and taking these pics)

Don't worry Heather. Red lights were involved. :) I take your children's lives in my hands VERY seriously. :)

A few Random Thoughts

Thought #1: I suppose this is more of an update from my below post. I've been on my meds for a week. Lets just say they have not been my favorite thing in the world (they make a metal taste in my mouth and nose for one) and don't always make me feel fluffy. However, thankfully...they have not been the worse thing either. I feel blessed that I have periods of time when I feel functional and actually...well. Ok, that part is relative. But comparatively, I am feeling on the mend. The constant abdominal pain is gone. Now I'm just dealing with the occasional pain that can put me out of commission. But hey, I'll take it. :) My pharmacist gave me tips on how to take the cocktail of meds to try to diminish the sickness from taking all of them. Guess what, for the most part it has worked. Well, at least I haven't been non functional. Unfortunately, the further I get the worse the symptoms are, which is what I'm assuming the nurse meant by 'just push through'. I guess its from all the meds in my system for so long. Still, all in all I feel blessed that it could be so much worse and it isn't. I have periods of time when I can actually do the things I need to and I'm able to actually work. Which is very important since I'm the only one taking care of me.

Thought #2: There was a time when I was very sensitive with certain things. Ok, when I say a 'time' I really just mean pretty much my whole life minus the last 2 years. I really was super sensitive to others, I can't watch scary movies as they affect my real every day life, and I can never watch a sad movie without tearing up. When another person cries over something.. I can feel their pain, so I cry too. That's what I mean by sensitive. Anyway, I had an experience a couple years back that really hurt me. I didn't really come to terms with it because I hadn't thought much about what it had done to me until recently. What I have realized is that I closed myself off in some ways. In some ways, I guess I didn't want to be me anymore. Well, the last couple months my family has gone through some hard times. Due to these situations, I have had to really look at the situation and inadvertently it has made me look at myself. I guess some of those walls have started to crumble. I am starting to be that 'sensitive' person again. For goodness sakes I am crying at silly commercials even. Maybe it's payback for the 2 year Hyades, but I guess what all this rambling is all about is just to say...I think I'm back. For good or bad. :)

Thought #3: I am so grateful for such great friends. I have this potted plant (the only living plant I own) and it always makes me think of 2 really great friends. I was going through a rough spell last year. They simply dropped this plant by to bring happiness to me. I was quite certain I'd kill it before the month was over. Welp, I was wrong. It's still alive and strong. I've never NOT killed a house plant. Ha. And every time I water it, I think of my 2 friends and how much our friendship means to me. And how much it meant to me that they'd take the time for little ol' me. Again, as I've been struggling with this current sickness, these friends have messaged me and one dropped a 'get well' bag by full of bland foods. haha. Boy she knows me well to know I haven't been shopping for a few weeks. Hate shopping. :) Anyway, it's so great to have friends. True friends who know us, think of us, and act on those feelings. Thanks friends..

Thought #4: I really am grateful for tender moments. My little Cameryn is such a stink but oh so cute too. :) No matter what she's doing, all I have to do is say "Cameryn, I la lu!" (I love you) and she stops what she is doing and says "La lu" with her little crooked smile and soft voice. Melts my heart. There's nothing that can beat the love of a child. I treasure it. :)

I have Yuckiness

Ok, so I'm not one to go spreading my problems out there...but I'm a little relieved and nervous at the same time. Over the last little bit I've been having some abdominal pain and chest pain. I've worked in the medical field for 6 years, I figured I had a handle on it. No problem. I chalked it up to heartburn. Well, once the antacids stopped working and I started having excruciating pain for hours at a time after I would eat or drink anything, I figured perhaps I had procrastinated something I shouldn't have waited on. Whoops. What can I say? I try not to blow things out of proportion I guess.

Long story short, my doc wanted to narrow down a few options before going straight to scarier things. He believes I have been experiencing a very strong type of heartburn which actually destroys your esophagus. Great! Anyway, so I've been on a very restricted diet to give my esophagus a break and hopefully allow it to heal. Ironically all foods pretty much make me sick so no problem doc. Great weight loss program I guess. Ha. Anyway, even though what he said made sense and I agree with him that I probably am having those problems, I felt strongly (after researching my symptoms) that I had an ulcer as well. I expressed this to him. He told me it is possible and he could check to see if I have the bacteria causing the ulcers. I am truly grateful that my doc listens to me. It might have something to do with the fact that I used to work for him and he knows me well. :)

My results FINALLY came back. Yup. I have the yuckiness in my tum tum. I'm a little nervous. I start the VERY aggressive meds today. My nurse told me that I need to push through even though it's going to make me very sick. Hopefully I will be able to work and keep down the meds. Sigh. My question is, if I'm already having a hard time eating and drinking....how the heck am I going to handle being more sick than I already am? Yikes. Somehow, I will make it through.

Up side, I did learn that although stress does aggravate ulcers, it is not the 'cause' of ulcers. Good to know. Up up side, there is an end in sight for at least some of the pain. Right? :)

Secretly Elated by it all...

Sunday was a double wammie. We celebrated 2 birthday's even though Ethan's birthday was a little bit ago and Ryan's birthday was actually that day. He was so good to share the day with his older bro. As I walked into the house, I was on a mission... I simply HAD to find my Ry-Ry! Mission accomplished, he and Ethan were trying to figure out Badmiton. Boy was that hilarious! So inventive! Once they saw me, they came a-runnin'. :) To my hearts joy, of course. Though we were celebrating Ethan that day too, I took special cares to make Ry-Ry know it was HIS special day (since I'd already made it Ethan's day on his actual bday). He curled up in my lap as I sang him my special (nerdy) happy birthday song that only the kidlets get to hear cause let's face it..I don't just sing solo's for ANYONE!!! Yikes!

Can you believe my kidlet's 4?! This is him showing his age. VERY appropriate ;)


We even took secret special pictures too. I'll share with you cause I KNOW you can keep a secret. What can I say, the kids like their pics taken. :) Well.. I can simply PRETEND that I'm the most beautiful princess in ALL of them, can't I? Even though you and I both know the truth. Double Yikes!!

Anyway, here's my secret elation, non birthday related. In comes Brax. He walks right up to Ryan and pats him and says "Ryn, hap birf-day!" Just as this happens, Ethan asks Brax if he wants to play. What?! Usually the boys play with each other and EVENTUALLY include Brax in. This was a first for me to see happen in this particular manner. Yeah!!! Ryan and Ethan began showing Brax how 'they' thought one should play badmiton and so Ryan handed Brax his racket to try it out. That got old fast. So, the next thing I know, Ethan grabs Brax by the hand and they are playing on the swing set. Excluding Ryan. What?! Is this even possible? Usually Brax is the one excluded. Though I'd much rather all the kids playing with each other, I was elated that Brax was the one chosen this time around. And he loved it. He's doing SO well! I guess my heart just soars when he's playing with others, saying 'his words' and interacting like the rest of the kids. (P.S. Don't worry about Ry-Ry. He and I had our own fun on the tramp). Goodness...I remember WHY I don't jump on that thing anymore! Good thing all the kidlets are so little right now that my lil jumps still make them fly. All I can say is T.I.R.I.N.G



Speaking of interacting. So we were opening presents. Brax LOVES this part. Well I was helping the boys and trying to keep all the other kidlets at bay so pictures could be taken of the excitement. One of my tactics was to get Brax to sit on my lap. I was failing, to say the least. So I told Brax.."Braxie, I haven't got my loves yet! (my hugs). So he turns to me, thinks about my words, turns his 'thought' look into the CUTEST smile and gives me the biggest Brax hug. Then he pulls away, holds his hand up in a 'hold it right there' kind of way, and says "Dats enof". And continues to NOT sit on my lap so pictures can be taken. Sigh. What can I say, these kinds of moments are priceless. And worth every second of my life. :)

What is it About Me?

What is it about me? I am just not sure! I had a friend ask me this very question and I told him that if he could figure it out for me, I'd be most grateful, cause I've been asking that question for quite awhile now and have come up with nothin'.

Last night the topic came up of 'lines' and should a person give creepy guys/girls a chance if the creep vibe is minimal. During this conversation my last months experiences somehow came to light. I'm not sure why I've had an increase in the creep factor or why I keep having these kinds of experiences but I do. I was trying out a new ward and I ended up talking with a guy (who had targeted me just 2 yrs prior). Luckily he did not remember me. Maybe because I was a blond back then. But too years prior he stopped me in my tracks and began laying it on pretty thick. He told me I "walked like a latin dancer". I didn't realize that he meant that I walked 'sexy'. My guy friend had to explain that to me later. Anyway, I was pretty turned off by this guy then and found myself talking to him now. What are the odds. Guess what, he was still creepy! As I was talking to him, I felt a hand caressing my back as 'the hand' was walking by. I turned to look and another guy with a huge excited grin said 'HI' in a very creepy voice. Oh dear. As much as I like being caressed by a complete strangers, I think I'll pass there too. Sigh. This will be my third experience this month (counting the guy who got 'lost in the beauty of my eyes'). So as we talked about these experiences, he asked me what it is about me that draws these kinds of experiences. Well you got me! I seriously do not know. And here's my theory and experience, if you are getting the creep vibe from the beginning...that doesn't just go away. In fact, it usually just gets worse. Sorry. So no, I don't give the creepers a chance. I pretty much stay away. What we didn't discuss much (to my disappointment), was what the heck is my deal? Why me? I am not sure why I am the one with the target for the creepo's. Sheesh.

Anyway, if my lovely friends have any advise or suggestions so that I can turn that creepo attracter OFF, I welcome it. :)